Late-Night Taco Bell Runs

When all else fails, and it’s too late to go to any other restaurant, but it’s too early in the night to subject your digestive tract to the horrors that are most 24-hour diners, there is one restaurant that shines like a lighthouse through the barren late-night wasteland that is food.

A haven for late-night shift workers and intoxicated persons with a DTBD (Designated Taco Bell Driver), that familiar glow from the big purple bell is oddly comforting in the wee hours of the morning.

The worst thing, though, is when you think to yourself that it’s such an odd time to be at Taco Bell that nobody else will be there. Chances are, when you drive up, there will be a line of cars stretching out from the drive-thru like camels lined up at an oasis in the desert. To add insult to injury, late-night service always seems to move at an excruciatingly slow speed. Maybe that’s by design. When you’re sitting in your car hungry, nearly everything on that menu starts to look good to your stomach. By the time you make it up to the magic order-tron, your stomach has convinced your brain that everything on that menu is good, and should be ordered… which you usually proceed to do with all due speed. Since The Bell now takes credit cards, that makes it even easier.

Tonight, the car in front of me rang up a $15.32 tab. That’s a big bag with a bunch of burritos.

Of course, that’s really not that bad. I’ve been accessory to a $35.37 order once. THAT is bad, when you sit back and think about really how much food $35 buys at Taco Bell. It’s not like it’s a gourmet steakhouse where that would maybe cover 1/2 of a steak.

We’re talking The Bell, where you AND a friend can be stuffed for under $5. And have bottomless soft drinks with that for $2 more.

We’re talking food the American way. (Usually) fast, bad for you, nothing like its namesake, and lots of it.

And there’s something about knowing that I can get a bean burrito nearly any time that I want that makes it all worthwhile.

Even at the end of a weird night shift.